bats: no vacancy

Zurich is, like most old european cities, full of churches. Of course, I have not met anyone who goes to church here. Well maybe Frau Prossner (see blog: Die Washe), she must probably the only way to stay alive as an old woman alone in an apartment. Let's just say that it is highly unlikely that I will be hanging with the church going type during our time here.

So anyway, the peeps I have met don't seem to notice how profound it is to suddenly have the whole city filled with the sound of hundreds (thousands?) of massive church bells clanging away.

I think that there is some sort of state funding of the church(s). Someone told me if I happen to make any money here and pay taxes, part of the process is that you are asked what church you belong to and a portion of that goes to that church. There is naturally a form to fill out if you are an atheist and they will refund the money to you.

Anyway, there are a lot of churches here. Periodically the decide to ring their bells. It makes quite the racket. Suddenly you look up from whatever you are doing--and realize that the normally quiet Zurich night is not so quiet. Opening the window is to envelop yourself in a truly surround sound experience. Zurich is in a Valley, it is very densely populated and there is a church within spitting distance of every citizen. I guess it made sense before the age of the car and the auto. You gotta get out of the house, you gotta go meet a chick to do the whole life thing before it is over and you are in the grave. 'Fore electric lights and flugzeugs, this ain't no party, this ain't no disco, I ain't messin around, you get your but down to the local community center and get busy. That meant the church.

Right. So the Swiss seem to be very much into the waste-not want-not kind of mindset. Makes a lot of sense. Bunch of mountain people, no natural resources, surrounded by at best begrudging allies, it is probably better to make do with what you got. The recycling rate here is something simply awe inspiring. Voluntarily, these folks bundle up and schlep down to the local center: glass-three colors-sorted, paper, two types-sorted, PET plastic, batteries-all types, milk containers, compost, vegetable oil, mineral oil, metal, compost, fabric as well as a bunch of stuff that is on a list on the inside of our cupboard if you want to take a look and can read german.

So, since the Roman times, these swiss have been building churches and at each church you have a minimum of 8-10 bells in the belfry. Each bell has been crafted with that special old world knowledge that means that somehow the great, great, great, grandfather of the bellmaker can reach down, wop the poor bellmaking yop on the side of the head and tell him to add that 1.5% of silicon to the bronze at just the right moment in the casting process to make the bell ring like a, ring like a, well you know. So let's just say each bell has its own note as well as its complement of overtones and undertones. I know that bells do this as I once invited a musician down to help tune the bells on a piece that I was working on (www.zacharycoffin.com/belltower) and learned all about the possible sound waves, overtones, undertones and more. At some point, as my eyes started to cross, he mercifully proclaimed that my arbitrary slicing of the gas tanks quite melodic and we left them as they were, but I digress.

Anyway, now that we are well into the 21st century, have airplanes, cell phones and the internet, Zurich has a whole hell of a lot of churches and even more bells. Well waste not want not, and if these churches are going to get a state subsidy, they better damn well earn their keep.

So, on the quarter hour, you get a single chime (maybe two). On the half hour a double with maybe an extra bell or three thrown in for harmony. On the hour, you get several chimes with several bells of different tones. It is actually quite nice, particularly when you are walking home drunk, reminds you to check the clock on your cell phone and figure out how much trouble you will be in come morning.

Saturday at 6pm when the stores all closed two hours ago (by law) and YOU should already be at home cooking dinner so that you can get to bed early and go to church they ring from about 5:47 til 6:03 just in case you didn't get the fucking message.

Sunday morning, because you should have already gotten up, fed the cows, made breakfast, mopped the floor, dressed the kids and are half way to the lords house, they start banging away at those bells at some ungodly (or maybe I should say godly) period of time before 7 and don't stop until way after it seems rational to do so. Thankfully I have only experienced this on a rational level once or twice, otherwise having drunk enough and stayed up late enough to happily incorporate this madness into the already overstuffed nightlife that I call my dreams (something I inherited from my mother). Let's just say that the Swiss are not inclined to let a resource go unused and the only bats that could live in these belfries must be quite deaf.

Maybe it is all part of some very sophisticated bell maintenance program designed to keep the bell makers in business, but let me tell you, come a significant event, like: Christmas Eve, the marking of our Christ be art thou in heaven, King of Kings, Saviour of our souls the churches do their very best to crack each and every bell in the town of Zurich. It is absolute bedlam, it goes on for what seems like hours. The whole town is filled with the sound of very nicely tuned bells being bashed randomly, repeatedly and with absolute abandon. I wonder if they let the lunatics out of the asylum and promise them a a cherry pie and a new pair of lederhosen if they can just break one of those bells. The valley is filled with a cacophony of sound, and it just seems to go on for ever.

It is actually quite wonderful. I wish they did that in America. The only church bells I know of in Atlanta are recordings broadcast with large loudspeakers in the belfry. Lame. I think when I go back to the good ole US of A and figure out where to settle down, I am would like to build me a belfry, stock it with bells and periodically bash the hell out out em, why not?